How to Stay Calm and Relax During the Sex

There is all manner of reasons why sex in real life is rarely like it is in the movies, and especially the pornographic ones. The fantasy version presents partners with perfect physiques, inevitably making out in some fantastic apartment, their lovemaking so flawless it almost appears to have been choreographed (which it actually has, by a screenwriting team and a director.) But we all know things don’t happen that way in the real world. Sex, for all the pleasure it brings to anyone who indulges, can be a source of much angst. So here are some pointers on how to relax during sex.

How to relax before sex

One of the worst things you want to be doing is worrying about sex. Part of the enjoyment is the anticipation, and this should be completely natural, devoid of preconceptions. Ideally, after a terrific date when you and your partner have enjoyed an evening at the movies, savoured a wonderful meal, or shared a few drinks together, you will already have exchanged signs that something more than just coffee and liqueurs may well be in the offing. If you’re having a warm, romantic time together, ending up in the bedroom will be a natural progression of all the connecting you’ve been doing up until that point.

You want to be looking upon this moment with excitement. Do not, under any circumstances, start dwelling on the negatives. What if I don’t last long? What if I try something she doesn’t like? Should I ask her outright what her favourite position is? If she doesn’t have an orgasm, will she ever want to see me again? It is pointless imposing these hypothetical dilemmas. The best way to relax sexually is to diffuse the situation.

Always aim to be spontaneous

Don’t have any plan in mind. If your partner is into you, matters will have a habit of developing instinctively. Rather than fretting internally about your sexual abilities, try putting everything in perspective. Why not be open about what’s about to happen? Chatting about intimacy is actually a terrific ice-breaker. It takes some of the unnecessary mystique out of it. Cuddling together on the couch, with a couple of nightcaps, and calmly discussing the things you’d like to do to one another is an excellent form of foreplay. This will bring you closer, and ensure relaxed sex when the time is right.

If you can be open with each other before going into the bedroom, this will give you the confidence to be 100% communicative when you strip off and actually get down to making love. Your inhibitions will already have been abandoned and you’ll be prepared to share your innermost confessions and fantasies.

Creating the right atmosphere

You’ll also relax sexually if you build more of a stage for your joint performance. Rather than switching off the light, jumping between the sheets, and huffing and puffing for a few moments, ensure there’s a romantic atmosphere. Why not set candles around the room, their flickering flames casting an alluring light across the bed? Scented candles will help to tease the senses. Best of all, choose an appropriate soundtrack for your romantic adventure and have this music provide a suitable backdrop.

Relaxing during sex is all about having enough distractions like these to take your mind firmly away from undue worrying, allowing you to concentrate on the activity. Rather than internal debate about the extent to which you are keeping your partner satisfied, just ask outright. Enquire if they like what you are doing. Simply being forthright like this can be a turn on in itself.

How to stay calm during sex

There are various other ways to relax during sex and stop feeling nervous. Never concern yourself about making mistakes. Most people appreciate a lot of sexual activity is about improvisation. If something doesn’t work out, move on to the next position. Accept that what you see in movies is escapist nonsense – wouldn’t it be hilarious if film stars occasionally complained of a sudden attack of cramp halfway through?

Another worthwhile tip is to avoid excess alcohol prior to engaging in sex. So-called Dutch courage might temporarily derail any fear you might be feeling, but the longer-term fallout is less pleasant. As if bad breath or impotence weren’t enough, what could less romantic than a headache and depression in the morning?

Live for the moment

To conclude, sex is a wonderful way for two people to express how they feel about each other. There are endless possibilities when it comes to finding new techniques to bring pleasure. Different positions. Role-playing. Introducing toys. Even experimenting with a third party, provided you are all consensual!

The point is, it is a natural expression of closeness, embodying physicality and peace of mind. You will enjoy the experience even more if you absolutely refuse to fixate on the negatives, especially where these are mere speculation. Instead, aim to get maximum pleasure. All you have to do is think of that classic 80s record by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Relax!

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